Overwhelming

My greatest goal in life is to be the best mom for my girls.  Where my girls can trust in me enough to guide them in the right direction.  We can be best friend and they tell me all there secrets and so on.  I want a really good relationship with them forever.  How can I have that?  First, I have to work on my own self.  What would I have liked in my Mother?  What do I not like what other mothers do.  Ask these question work on them and never let it get in the way.  Understand you will make alot of mistakes, but don't ever give up.  Once you fall get right back up and start again.  Take a breather if it's a pretty hard fall and mud  has written all over your face.  Wipe those tears, stay focus and move forward.  

 Life is challenging, but challenging is what makes our weakenesses in to strength.  If you are always working on the goals to become better or whatever you are working on .  The easier it will become.  

  Today, Alyvia threw up all over me today.  Even after giving her a bath right after bed time.  I had to get u clean the mess from the bed and get new pjs.  During this time I was getting frustrated but there was a part of me that said Keep it under control and don't do anything or say anything stupid that you might regret.  It didn't help when Hazel was screaming so loud which was giving me a headache.  I wanted to stop and cry.  but Alyvia needed to be taken care and Hazel needs to get to sleep.  Hazel has a wonderful gift.  She is a nurturer and knows when to calm down and always is compassionate with me.  Immediately, she says okay mom  I am going to bed kisses Lala and looks deep into my eyes and says I love you with a giggle and a warm hug.  30 secs later she was out.  I texted Dad while in class cause I was still a little exhausted.. 

     

      "When you feel like playing games just to socialize with your friends just think of me... I have no friends to talk to.  I don't have a car to get out with my kids for fun.  I get throw up all over me and no shower for a few days because my husband insists on showering every morning.  I have to be creative with things to do because i'm Hazels only friend.  I don't have time to go out and do things just for myself.  I make sure the house tries to stay clean and the laundry is done.  No one ever cares to see how I'm doing but all that doesn't matter because my first glance at Hazel in my arms I wanted nothing more than just to be the best Mom I can for her.  I don't care if I don't have friends because my friends are my girls and U.  I don'te mind not having a car (yah it's hard sometimes) I'm just grateful for what I have.  Sometimes I just want to let the tv entertain Hazel so I can just have my time.  I never fall for that because my time is with Hazel.  I can go on and on and make excuses and wishes but there never going to be better than what I have now.  It just Excuses.  I am meant to work hard and live the moments.  Moments with my famil.  Next time when you feel like playing for  fun, know you have it easier but also know I wouldn't trade anything but being a Mom  Life is wonderful and I love you!"

After texting this to Dad, I felt better.  I was happy where I was at.  Hazel is nothing but Amazing!! All I want for her is simply the best.  She's is an example to me.  I learn from her alot.  She has such great energy behind her. You can learn from your own kids.  I do!  Hazel Thank you for your patience!  I love you alot and admire you even at 2 years old!   Your my rock

Mom